Moving Out?!!

Helloooooooo,

It's been a while. How are you doing?? It's the start of a fresh week.....And you probably got your butt off your bed very reluctantly..... *hahahaha*
It was a hectic week so I couldn't publish a post. And I write a post depending on my mood. (just throwing it out there) That too, only if my mind is at peace and I'm calm and happy or excited about a topic.
But, none of those are what I'm feeling right now. So this is an exception I guess.

I finished my under-graduate course this year. I don't know since when, but the urge to get out and travel has been in my mind for a while. I very badly wanted to pursue my Masters outside my country.
But the problem arose when it came to the number of years of my education. I needed a 12+4 years to pursue Masters. The greater, actual problem was that I didn't plan and prepare. I definitely could have applied for Masters in Singapore or Australia or anywhere else where a 3 year graduate course is accepted, but no. I didn't plan. I just whiled away my time, completing records. I guess it is something I will regret forever; at least until I find a reason not to.

The other option was to do a one-year course or a one-year diploma of any sort, so that I could (saying it again) pursue my Masters. And once again, I searched and couldn't find a course which would add to my list of credentials, rather than be an extra. But, I guess I didn't search well enough or to put it bluntly "search in advance" enough to find a one-year course.

So, now I'm left with one thing. Waste a year, or do MSc here for two years.

And that's what I am doing. I am doing my MSc here, in Mysuru, for two years.

I got admitted last week.

I'll be moving to Mysuru.

I'll be stuck here for two years.

I have no idea where I'll be staying. Should decide that and move this week, since classes start next week.

Yup, so just wanted to talk about this. Thank god, at least because of this, the tears are falling out. I was actually excited about moving out. I thought I'll finally learn to do stuff on my own. I know it'll be hard but, I will realize the value of it and appreciate what I have, more.

That's what I thought, but I don't know what I am feeling. Whether it's because I am going to stay alone for, like, the first time ever, since I've been born, or because I won't be able to go out of the country; I can't pinpoint the cause.
I was completely stunned when I went to do the admissions. I was like, 'what the hell am I doing? Is this it? Is this what's gonna happen? Is this what I wanted?'. All along the way to Mysuru, I was thinking of returning back without doing the admissions. I seriously thought of climbing the train back without even stepping out of the railway station. The uneasiness that started since then has not gone away.

My head is filled with all these negative thoughts and emotions.

I feel like I have let down everybody. Especially my brother. I imagine him, with a disappointed face, telling me that it's all my fault I've ended up where I am. That he had told me a million times, to plan and to search and to keep everything ready. That I'm a fit for nothing.
I can hear him, screwing me.
And I know! I know it's my fault. He doesn't have to rub salt in my wounds. I know that already.

It's like this immense wave of emotions I would feel when I would wake up to go to college everyday. Feeling like wanting to run and run somewhere far away. A kind of procrastination. I would fight against it and of course had to go to college.

Maybe these emotions are because I'm moving out for the first time......

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Well, it is several hours later and I went shopping with my mom and grandma, so I feel a bit better. Heh, I'll have to beat out the procrastination inside my head. No matter how much this voice screams it's wrong or puts me down, I'll fight it.

I will not give up on my dreams. I won't get knocked down just because my family may start looking at marriage proposals. Anything can happen in two years. I will not sacrifice my dreams just for the sake of marrying some stupid stranger who doesn't even know me. (well, now you know what scares me most *cries*)

Anyway........I will be taking my craziness to Mysuru.......

Mysuru! Get ready! *grins*

       



I apologize if this post puts a damper on your happy mood, but I hope it will make you reflect on your own actions.
Oh, also, I am wallowing in regret for now. I hope that will change in the future. At least that's what my friend tells me. That there was no other option for me but to do MSc. And that it will help me in the future. Thanks babe. For saying the right words.

So that's that.

Stay Healthy, Stay Happy.

Lots of Love,

PG

P.S : This is my first time, saying something kind of personal like this. It was hard to put it in here, because I seriously have no clue as to who reads my post. So, this is sort of a first.
AND, since this is where I share my experiences, I might as well do that. Oops.











The People who make me, ME.



Okay, so I am not gonna start this post by typing some quote about friendship. Because there is no one quote which can totally sum up this wonderful relationship. It is love, it is laughter, and it is that lukewarm feeling too.


Hellooooooo,
How are you today? On this fine, beautiful day?

Cheer up because this is an awesome topic which you should read with a smile on your face. *grins*

Sooo, last Sunday was ‘Friendship Day’ and I thought of writing about it…..But the thing is, I don’t know what to write…I’ve chosen a difficult topic….*sheesh* *smacks own head* . Well, I’ll try my best. (And that’s why this post was delayed. My apologies!)

Oh and Disclaimer, disclaimer: I am not mentioning the names of any of my friends out of respect for their privacy. But if anybody is interested in letting their name be known in this post, please let me know. I’ll add your names. I don’t mind. *lol*

As you may know, I grew up watching cartoons. So, my definition of friendship is kind of whacked or so, I think. Ever since I was small, I dreamed of having a group (a big group) of friends with whom I would have so much fun and go out and mainly, share our thoughts with each other. Yes, yes, go on and laugh your ass off. But that’s what I dreamed of. Sometimes, I still dream of that. *lol*

But, the problem was that our classes kept shuffling – once in 5th grade, then continuously from 8th till 10th grade. So, my “friends” got other friends and they just pushed me away. It was not until the later years that I got few people whom I could say were my good friends. No offence.
(Also, now that I look back on it, my thinking was dumb. I mean, I thought that a ‘group’ of friends had to know each other from a young age. But, now I realise the number of years doesn’t matter.)
I won’t go into detail about my school days. That itself will take a long post. And this is about my friends! *laughs*

When I hear the word ‘friend’, what comes to mind is all of this – my friends in the three stages of my life – school, pre-university and graduate university. *bwahahahaha*

My school life was memorable. I won’t deny it. And these two people are the ones who made it so. We met in 9th grade and man! We fought like crazy! Now it all seems so funny. But then, it was like the ground cracked beneath me. I was already an insecure person and arguing with my friends did not help. But, I guess we are strong even now, because of those arguments. We know each other because of those arguments. I have been requested to do a post on us - the ‘Terror Trio’ gang. So, I’ll tell you all the details then. *wink wink*

Oh, and I studied in the same school for 10 years (Duh!) so there are a long list of other friends apart from these two. A very long list.

Then, we had to move on to pre-university. Oh My God! I would never have survived these two years without this one friend! She was the reason I breezed through pre-uni. We were inseparable. And we had so much fun! My classmates were not very social. And these two years I didn’t even speak to any guys in the college. (Well, maybe one or two – face to face please. I don’t consider texting as talking.) *rofl*. The guys in our class kept to themselves and us girls too. Ours was the only class which was like this!! Can you believe it??!! *lol*

Also, my coaching classes. They were fun because of these group of people, one of them being my terror trio-mate. We had so much fun travelling! Ah, I miss those times.

Then, my graduate university. Wow, these three years were so so packed. I learned so much and got a real sense of the diverse type of people who exist in this world. And I learned so much more about myself. I got a friend who toned down my tom-boy attitude and made me more feminine. *rofl* I mean, we went shopping and I learnt the art of dressing. And I learnt that it’s okay to put on make-up. She pointed out my lack of self-confidence and told me to do what I want and not bother about others. She told me to voice out my feelings and not get scared about what others “may think”. There were others too! I don’t mean to be rude, but they all taught me to be myself. I love them all.

Then, there’s my best buddy from my music class. She is so amazing! We share our passion for music, and have come a long way.

And the best group of friends I am so proud of, my ‘Inspirits’. Some of you may know, that I listen to k-pop and the band ‘Infinite’ is like my life. The fandom of Infinite is called ‘Inspirit’. I met them online. We have each other’s phone numbers, photos, voice messages and we know about each other’s lives (even apart from our love towards infinite.) It’s like we’re pen pals. But, in the best way. We are honest with each other about everything and even if it’s just messaging, we try our best to send across our words of encouragement if one person is sad, and we celebrate each other’s success like it’s our own. This group makes me feel like, there are wonderful people out there in the world, who are all struggling, and have insecurities like me. (To be frank, they are the only reason I am still on WhatsApp. *rofl* I had uninstalled the app during my exam time once, and I realised how much I missed talking to these crazy people, after I came back on WhatsApp.)

I’ve met two of them in person and they are so amazing! We fangirled over infinite and talked about our love of k-pop, something we can’t do with other people so easily. *lol*

So, to sum it up, these are all my friends. And I love each and every one of them. I could not have asked for anything more. They are my pillars of strength and I, theirs. They already know this, but I will definitely be there whenever they need me. I am loyal to my friends. I respect my friends. The true ones. They are my inspiration.

Of course, there are many others who I have come across, who only label themselves as ‘friends’ and have used me, to their own benefit. I have been hurt too. So, please don’t think that, I have such great friendships. No, I’ve had crappy friends too. I’m choosing to not talk about them. But, I am grateful for the crappy ones too, because without them, I wouldn’t have realised the value of the good ones.

So here it is, a post about my friends….

Hope you all enjoyed reading it.

Thank you.


Stay Healthy, Stay Happy.

Lots of Love,

PG.


P.S. – just to let you know the extent of madness, today is one of our ‘inspirit’ friend’s birthday. It is like a festival to us all. We’re celebrating over there in the group. *lol*


AND, my dinner plate is missing. It is very important to me. Ever since I could eat on my own, I’ve had this plate. It’s mine. I never eat lunch/dinner in any other plate. Since forever. Nope, I don’t. And this plate’s gone. Since my grandpa’s death anniversary. I don’t know whom to blame. Gahhhhhhh. I am so frustrated. Oh, don’t go thinking “it’s just a dinner plate”. NO, NO. These are the little things which are a part of my life. It is such a beautiful plate. Gahhhhhhh…and I can’t find it anywhere. *grrrrrrr*



THIS COUPLE

Hello, It has been a long time huh? I have been super busy finishing my last semester of Masters here in Mysuru. I can't wait to go b...